I met with this older woman in a very annoying queue in town. She wanted a passport and so did I…after waiting for thirty minutes, she got tired and said (in Kamba), “the hell, why am I even here?” and to that, to her surprise, I responded “to get a passport”. Thus started our conversation and here is its outcome, in a nutshell.

I had sought to know where she was going and why….I ended up with valuable lessons about love and relationships!! I will share them like a narration coz Q n A is not an option I want to use.

“L.O.V.E. rewards and sucks. We learn to live with it but we barely understand how to maintain it when we find it. The myth that love works itself out when we find it is utter bullshit. To be honest, I have had only one successful relationship (and I had several before the successful one)…..with the only person I ever loved: I still love. It lasted for 40 years but they are the only years that I was the happiest woman in the world; I was someone’s queen and he let me know it with actions and words.

Our education levels were so sparse, our ages were too distant and our thinking was ever so inconsistent. He was the older of the two of us and the most educated but he never let it show. He accommodated everybody and treated me like his equal. When I was doing my high school, he was doing his university.

These differences created an atmosphere of respect between us rather than competition. He never saw me as a threat and I never saw him as a dominating factor. We were equal in our relationship and we were both willing to make it work….we loved each other enough to make it work. I respected him and in return I got undeterred love. He became my protector and my provider (needless to say that I was working); he paid all our bills, and brought home what to cook for supper without complaining or asking whatever it is I do with my money. This was my first marital lesson: RESPECT THE MAN YOU LOVE AND IN TURN HE WILL LOVE YOU WITH ALL HE IS AND WITH ALL HE HAS.

My second lesson was TRUST. This we cultivated and built and later made it the foundation of our life together. I was insecure at first but he taught me how to love myself for it is in loving ourselves that we develop the capacity to love others and to accommodate them in our lives. TRUST was our RELIGION, not love. I knew that no matter how far away from home he was, he would never have another woman just like I would never have another man and we knew, though we never voiced it out, that we would always keep that trust at whatever cost. We kept away all our misconceptions by talking about them instead of letting them eat away at our relationship.

check out for part two (continuation)


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