Now that was a weekend!!

Those are my exact thoughts when I woke up in the morning today. You see, I am one of these persons who are always ready for anything. It is Friday 10 pm when this guy, let us call him Aries, texts “one more meeting tomorrow and I am free till Monday”. I text back, “any plan?” and he answers no. I always have plans and ideas waiting to be implemented. This time it was a kayak and a bungee jump or a raft and a zip lining.

Saturday 10 AM and I am on my way from Nyeri (where I was facilitating a conference) to Sagana after delegating my duties to some not so lucky dude. We got to Savage Wilderness (some 1 km interior from the Nairobi-Nyeri highway slightly past Sagana Township) at around 0230. Disappointment sunk in too low when we were told that I could not raft or kayak because the troupes had already left with the trainers and there were no trainers left on site. But all was not lost because bungee jumping was going on at the site so bungee jumping it was

….now that is what I call performing an act so godly you become a god! The fall makes you scream till your own scream drowns your voice, you see the stars as too close (never mind it was daytime and I was not supposed to see stars) because the sun rays decide to retire earlier than usual, you get to say hello to god up there and pass regards from the folks you left below and finally, if you are persuasive enough, get some words for the folks down there (now here).  I think I was persuasive enough because she told me to tell her people to stop this heaven nonsense and enjoy life while it lasts! After the one minute chat with her highness the goddess, I opened my eyes to find myself flying like a bird above the waters of River Tana. Five minutes later (that felt like a year), I was given a rope to help me get back ashore by a guy easily gliding in the Tana waters in a canoe. Back at the shores and I am asleep in a leather mat covered with green clothing directly under the sun: am still guessing that the sun was supposed to jerk me back to reality…I guess it failed! Five minutes of lying in the leather mat and it hits me that I AM NOT DEAD!! Yes, I lived to tell the tale!!

Even before the shock could leave at its own leisure, I was being pomped up for the zip lining. I swear, the Tana waters now hate me with as much intensity as the zeal I was teasing them with! The line was fun. Every now and then I would stand to try get my legs to touch the waters below never mind that they never did! Apparently, at 74 kgs, I was too light to do the water touching!

Then it was time to enjoy the scenery while waiting for my mind to come back to sanity; it was taking too long! Their canteen only sold Snapp, White Cap, Tusker, Fanta and chocolate so I settled for chocolate and a cocktail of Snapp and Fanta (don’t even ask how that works; my mind had gone for Christmas remember?). Four. Five. Six. Seven. Seven thirty…

Aries and I had totally forgotten that in Kenya, Kamwana calls the shots even to your bedroom matters. We were on public transport and they have strapped this silly rule that forbids night transport because apparently night transport is the devil that kills people in road carnages!! We were to spend the night in Embu at Izaak Waltons Inn but being eight (the time we got to the stage) meant that we either walk to Embu or go back to savage wilderness. It is not like that is a choice that we had to make, right? Kamwana made the choice for us and so we started to go back to the all wonderful savage wilderness where we were sure we would sleep hungry (never mind that we had skipped lunch coz we thought we would find eatable things in there to the shock of our stomachs and our money!!).

On our way back, we noticed a hotel we had seen but had not considered: Blue Hills Hotel. We decided to try it out and it turned out to be the best night of my now twenty six years alive! We were the only resident patrons (you now, people going for the whole service package: food, drinks and bed…and sex for Aries if he wanted some!!). The food was awesome; the staff gave us VIP almost like they would to his Excellency Mr. Governor! The DJ outdid himself and the drinks kept coming. We outdid ourselves at the dance floor, played cards and chess (we had carried our own cards and chess board) and made the DJ dance for us!! At around 3 AM, we left for our room and the club shut down. Now this was the most awesome part of that hotel, topping the awesome services was the fact that ALL THE EMPLOYEES stayed awake because we- Aries and I- were awake and trying to outdo each other from every angle that you looked at us. It sounded like an early valentines with a whole two acre land hotel to ourselves. At around 10 pm, the lights refused to be dictated upon for a few minutes that could easily stretch to an hour, so we had dinner at candle light (at the expense of the hotel for inconveniences incurred!). Morning saw the naughty me at the Tana River banks, just behind the hotel walls. I did “duff mpararo” for a whole awesome hour as Aries watched because he thinks that anything water that gets above his knees translates to instant death! Later we lazed at the hotels awesome art of seats (they are not your normal seats but is a story for another day) up to around 4 pm. As we were preparing to leave, our bill was brought to us.

Wait, you are thinking that we spent some amount zeroing around a hundred thousand, right? Freaking right, I was thinking that too until the bill came reading a mere four thousand and sixty Kenya shillings! The shock was so evident in our faces enough to send a frenzy of confusion amongst our hosts. We were thinking, “How the fuck is this even possible?” while they were thinking that they had done something wrong. Aries got his tongue back first and asked the waiter in question, “are you sure you have the right bill?” thinking that he had added something we had not ordered, he went through the bill with us (who were not listening to him because a quick glance at the paper was enough to know that he had the right bill). Now, the pricing was our problem. A bottle of Tusker (for Aries) was 160 and a bottle of Black Ice (for yours truly) was 160 (ever heard of that??????) food clocked in at 400 for a plate of roast potatoes (which were too many we ended up eating one plate) and half a kg of beef and board at 2000 a night!!! The rooms are another thing. They were big enough to host a football team complete with the coach and the manager, the bed was king size with a four corner mosquito net, the water was hot enough to roast a chicken and the timing, well I don’t know about that but we checked out of the rooms at 2 PM!!…

All in all, it was the best, cheapest get away I have ever had…and I am glad I did!! Some experiences are worth every cent together with the muscle pains that came with the experience!!!!


3 thoughts on “An Awesome Weekend Get Away

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