I mix with a lot of things in this world but snakes are not part of that mix!

Animals are nice friends: they don’t gossip, they don’t backbite, they don’t envy you, they welcome you home nicely and they make you feel special by dotting on you. Yes it’s true they bite, just keep off their mouths!! Some people keep snakes for pet but no, not me!

I know you are thinking, now which nut loosened today? One, two, and three I guess.

When I was young, we used to live in a forest because I am Maasai and the world believes that Maasai community live(s)d In the forest, right?  So, our house was in the middle of nowhere with the nearest neighbor some good walk away (if you suddenly realized that there is no salt at 6 pm; either cook with cowlick (that salt cows eat), cook salt less and assume you are diabetic or fast and pray the night away. Now, Africans love their plates and fasting was not a vocabulary in the African lingua.

Every now and then (even 10 times a day) a slithering visitor would show up. Black, green, brown, some that would swallow a whole 7” person like child play and others that would land into the chicken’s gizzard faster than grains do. Then, I had made friends with them. I had learnt how to hunt them down back to their hideouts, how to use paraffin and other concoctions to skin them alive giving me a chance to kill them amicably like a noble friend. I knew how to use potassium permanganate to subdue a snake’s poison and save the life of a snake bite victim. I knew ever basic thing there was to know about snakes, snake bites and snake bite victims.

Then urbanization happened.

I and snakes are no longer friends. Snakes retracted to some preserve world in Geo natal world. Yes, I see snakes on TV and no, they no longer bite…until I opened my door in the morning and found the savannah bush world of Geo natal in my door step! A four inch brown snake that had black caricature all over it was  stretched right there, so at home you would think it owned the place! No, I had not invited slithering visitor today, and the menu is herbivores! For a minute or two, shock-waves immortalized me into a stone of fear, and the visitor stood his/her neck like it was daring me to shout!

 “Aunty kwani unafanya nini kwa mlango?” (Aunty what are you doing at the door?) It hit me that I might be able to dodge the snake but my little two year old niece would not. Shock aside and with my screaming self still having fun at the Savage Wilderness; I went back to my childhood days. Five liters of paraffin, a mountain of stone and a dead Eskimo size snake later, I fell dead stiff on the wooden floor and said a short prayer to karma reminding her that she is the worst bitch the world ever produce and that one day she will pay for the things she makes people go through!

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