One of my “learned philosophical” friends sent me this link: http://maggiemcneill.wordpress.com/2014/06/25/adolescence-ambiguity-and-axes/

This link led to this one: http://www.avoiceformen.com/mens-rights/this-is-what-a-child-molester-looks-like-nsfw/

Both links were more of an assault to a past I have blatantly tried to get past but which has left fragments of itself in my life. I respect people with their diverse perspectives of the world. I really try to keep an open mind and to remain non judgmental. I also try my hardest to appreciate everybody with their opinions no matter how idiotic or “superior” it is. The fact that one sees the act of punishing a rapist as feminist and the idea of one considering it rightful to have a rapist running around instead of seeing him orchestrated for his inhumane act is completely mind bogging. The idea of one seeing an adolescent who is yet to get to sixteen as not a child, is selfish and without grounds. The idea that one deems it fit to go against society for the sole contempt of morality and societal norms to the extent of denying the things that are logical by trying to supersede them with his false reality is confusing.

I am not saying that she is wrong in her view of the rape episode. I am saying that she should see the world as it is, not as she wants it to be. She says that she was raped. she seems to have enjoyed the act which makes it consent and thus eliminates it from being categorized as rape. She wants us to believe that the post rape trauma is not real. That it is something created in the minds of the rape victims by society. That it is something we can easily brush aside and say, “It happened? So what? Accept and move on.”  Well, I stand to disagree.

I am not only a rape victim, I am also a sexual assault counselor. I have met people, both boys and girls, whose lives have been shattered completely through rape. I have met others who were heterosexual but turn homosexual after rape in search of asexual security. Some people eventually turn around and accept themselves, but the act itself remains with them, becomes a part of their identity, a part of who they are. People like me who were strong enough to come out and tell. It was not easy for any of us. For me, it took fourteen years for me to be able to talk to a trusted friend about it, finally giving myself exposure to the world. I got rejected by my friends, I lost my boyfriend and eventually I lost the world I had been living in since that day when I was 10 and again at 12. I lost to gain. I gained a more courageous me who did not need a mask to hide behind. I started a new life. I made new friends. I try to make my clients to do the same. Some of them do, the rest don’t.

This is why when someone writes this, “Next, we have to consider the principle of harm reduction.  No matter how much prudes and child cultists wish to pretend otherwise, the evidence is that adult-adolescent sexual contact usually has few if any long-term effects;…” I beg to differ amicably, with tangible evidence. Most of my clients choose to evade the legal process but that does not ensure that they heal quick, or that they are exempted from sexual assault trauma. It never matters whether the rapist was a family member, someone they are familiar with (close to even) or an outside, a stranger, the experience is mostly the same. Confusion, pain, frustration, self blame and depression. If they lack a counseling therapy, they might end up broken, insane or simply indifferently withdrawn from society to themselves. Some result to drugs or masturbation. Others become introverts, gay or narcotics. It depends with how strong willed one is, and the inner strength that one posses, to be able to beat the post-rape trauma.

She further says, “Some people who have been raped or sexually assaulted want to go through the legal process in order to gain closure, exact vengeance or attempt to protect others from violation, while others do not; it is nobody’s business which the victim chooses but his or her own” I agree. It is one’s own business what (s)he does after they are raped but it is a society’s business to protect others from suffering the same fate as the rape victims. And a responsible society will do everything within its power to do so. I want to believe that rape is a conscious decision. One thinks about it, plans it ahead and sets a date and time to execute after identifying a victim (probably after days/weeks of trolling them). When one starts thinking about how nice it would be to rape another person, then (s)he becomes a rapist, a threat to the society, an inhibition to someones rights, justice and happiness.

How someone lacks empathy to a point of calling justice ‘some self projection from unconcerned individuals trying to take advantage of some insane situation to crucify some unfortunate kid’ beats me. How someone cannot feel for some young mind bungled up to adulthood through sexual assault against their wish and making an assumption of how they probably enjoyed it (Because they were so happy to be told: hey, welcome to sex life, its done like this; No fore play, no agreements, no talks, and the gun must be on the ready in case you decide to resist).

I won’t judge her though. Maybe her rape was an experience to remember. Maybe it was a blast. Maybe it was what she had always thought her first time at sex would be. Mine, and that of so many others, was not. That is why I can understand when the police knock on my door at 8 Am with a distraught kid in tow. That is why I can understand when men and women breakdown in refugee camps after getting away from war torn zones. That is why I can feel their pain, understand their sentiments and walk with them towards a place where they can at least live a life with little semblance to normal life.

And maybe that is the difference between her and me.

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