Today I woke up feeling particularly unfit for human activities, which excluded beds and pens. So we will talk prospective grooms.
photo adapted from www.huffingtonpost.com
Every little girl has a dream that one day they will wear a white net, hold a bunch of flowers and walk down a certain alter sandwiched between her parents and followed behind by a caravan of maids. Some little men too dream of big cars, starched suits and being the center of some over bloated attention. I, too, had a dream wedding. It went something like this: I am in Maasai attire and my groom is in his traditional community attire. We would walk to church singing those romantic kikuyu traditional songs that get everyone dancing to their tune- whether or not you understand what they are singing. I never dreamt of nets and flowers!
photo adapted from www.pinterest.com
Now that am older, I don’t want a fancy cultured-religious wedding. I do not want traditional songs and dances. I do not want to be the center of attention (that stuff sucks AF). I want a simple walk in the park in an alien land, after a quiet civil visit to the marriage registrar who, by the powers vested in him, will be able to make Mr. Fitting (who agrees that Mr. Right is a stupid notion?) kiss me in front of him, after pronouncing us husband and wife. I do not want a month long honey moon (I still have bills to settle and a life to live) or a week of total-cut-off-from-the-world-in-a-manyatta in my in-laws compound where the only visitor will be a hand at the window bringing in food (jeez, waking up to stare at the same face all day and night is boring, even if love is involved!). I do not want gifts like cups, beds and cup boards: I can always check in at Ebrahim’s Home Appliances any time!
I want to get married, not for the pleasure of that one day, but for the companion of a life time; the joy of having someone wait out the night with me, because I am in labor; the peace that comes with knowing that someone accepts me wholly without judging every word I say or action I take; the grace of knowing that we can be in the same house, for a week, without talking, and have a lot done in silence because each knows what the other wants. I want to get married, not for the pomp my family will get, but for the joy I will give to them after I leave their custody.
I do not want a perfect guy
image from www.30somethingandfab.com
I want a man who will understand: that there is that time in a month, when I will want to sleep alone at the guest room, because I hate him touching me at those times; that when I say I want to go home, it is because there are things only my mother can advice about; that I need time alone, because silence is my best friend; and that he can drink all he wants, but sleep at the couch, till he is sober. I want a man who will understand that I will love him unconditionally even if I give birth to thirty kids, so he will not make me choose between him, and the kids. A guy who will feel the need to keep me in the know, so I will not get worried when he does not turn up at 8 pm. I want a man who will care enough to use a condom when he decides to have extracurricular activities at Sabina Joy- to protect our children and me from AIDS and its consequences. He is not perfect: he is just a man I will love and protect with my life: IF ONLY HE WILL DO THE SAME FOR ME.
photo adapted from financialjuneteenth.com
I want to look back and say: I made the right choice; then look up and say: Daddy, it is your little baby making you proud of her.